modern tech, same message

it's kinda cool when you are only 6 weeks old and our friends and your family from (almost) around the world knew of your existence...

be aware that you are loved, and that love, no one can take away from you...

the best is yet to come... see yah!

a father's tale

......

basically, no words to describe...

my laptop is blank, my mind is blank...

my coffee mug is empty, my brain is empty...

my mind is playing tricks on me... as if there's earthquake and my heartbeat races up...

i feel cold and sweating... and that is just knowing that it is positive...

and if the time comes that i would actually hold in my hands the miracle... then what... i dont know...

im blogging so that i would not forget, that this day, a man can be in more than two places at one time...

"... i dont need no words, to tell me about heaven... i just look at my daughter (or son) and i believe..."

~ Heaven performed by Live

pasig (part of 10 years, 10 cities series...)

i remember writing about 10 years and 10 cities...

pasig(ortigas), osaka, kobe, tokyo, manila, makati, kuala lumpur, singapore, mandaluyong and jakarta...

pasig - ortigas: 1999, along Dr. Sixto Antonio Ave. (yes, the same street in the Eheads' song)... next to the famous ULTRA... there was a sisig house right outside Citihomes, my first address in Metro Manila!!!... i remembered going to the ULTRA gym, pretending to be a national athlete (i was thinking athletics, but the guard thought i was a fencer), with former national athlete ronard john... he would help me with my bench press and would pick up a pair of pants from my closet... he would relate (sad) stories of being in the national team with meager budget, and of defeating multi-millionaire athletes like david buenavacz... as an armyman, he was deployed in mindanao and gave first-hand account of a real war... chilling... and as he survived his battle, mine was just beginning...

reincarnation

no... i dont believe in reincarnation...

but what's happening is almost beyond belief, reincarnation of events exactly as it was years ago...

in the beginning of my journey, i was given a senior who does not know more than me... i do all the legwork and he gets all the credits... so i quit, and started the journey again somewhere else...

next, i was deceived of colorful words as empty as white... left in the middle of an arena with lions to fend... i remembered daniel, keeped the faith... until i met a prophet who would take me out of the dungeon (or so i thought...)

the prophet was brilliant and many believed him... but i dont understand why his lies were important... and left me with a wandering, wondering flock... it's not that i cant take care of them, but the prophets' word are so ingrained in their veins that i cant purify them without hurting them too much... so i quit again and crossed the seas and mountains... hoping to find that noble who would take me under his wings...

and like the beginning of my journey, a senior no better than me, i do all the legwork and he reaps the praises...

and like the middle of my journey, colorful words which fed me to the lions...

and like the last part of my journey, will leave me a wandering, wondering flock with impurities in their blood much worse than my previous flock...

"what goes around, comes around..." - alicia keys

have a blessed Rahmadan you all...

writing in random

writing in random...
half-filled glasses and conceited bosses... the number 3 everywhere i look as if reminding me of "something"...
stripes and checkered and no connections...
green and blue is nothing new...
long standing dilemma with endless choices...
running in circles and reconcilable differences...
all the same points to one thing...
people will never be satisfied with the wealth they have now...

my beloved Son

and a voice came from the heavens," You are My beloved Son, with You I am well pleased." ~Mark 1:11
was a part of the gospel reading on my birthday last 1/11...
i was awed, it was like someone talking straight to my heart. a message so well-placed that it seems so ordinary but for a certain person reading it would mean differently.
with that expectation, what can we do to please Him. in an everlasting cycles of life every option has been isolated and studied upon, every turn is being criticized, every decision has been analyzed, what's left out there? is there even a music that has not been created, or an art piece that has not been thought about?
at a very early age we already know what is pleasing to Him, it's true that whatever we can learn, we already learned when we were at kindergarten...

1st of May

"when i was small and Christmas trees were tall, we used to laugh while others used to play...
don't asked me why, but time has passed us by, someone else moved in from far away..."

reminiscing is fascinating, it brings us to our comfort zones and dwelling there in a second seems to give us "something" to look forward to... that is until you question the pasts.

questioning the past "could" be a mistake or as a cliche "skating on thin ice", more likely than not you'll get stuck into a cold hole and will freeze you. Freeze you in a certain point of time, detached you from reality and blur your vision.
Now, while writing this blog, it is inclining me to connect reminiscing as a form of entertainment

mimpi di siang bolong (~thanks ike) means day-dreaming in bahasa indonesia

coconut butter cookies

i wrote down these ramblings in my office scratch pad... maybe after watching "slumdog millionaire", but maybe it's because that i've seen this situation so many times and up until now i still can't figure out the proper response. here it goes...
"...in a moment your faith hangs on to some insignificant person in your life. you are not even friends and you don't care about each other, but, at that specific time, your happiness and your whole life, including that of your love ones hangs on the simple decision of that insignificant person. how do you fight that? just shows everything is already written..."

lal

i had always been ranting about how i am satisfied with my career and that i could do whatever i wanted to and that i have tried every level as an office worker but then some things would challenge my pathetic mind once again. working with the indians means dealing with a lot of politics, really a lot. as the newest guy, they either take me as a threat to their job security or maybe in a more realistic sense, a newbie that knows nothing. once some colleagues asked me to do editing of a document by straightening out the alignment of figures, i just smiled at them (in my mind: are you guys crazy asking me to do that?), went back to my desk and continue browsing the net. i was waiting for them to send me the files, but it didnt came and the leader change my assignment.
once again i failed in a humility test, which i believed is the topic for this moment of my life now...
lal, is a hindi word meaning "red"

a silent heart

We wonder why unexpected things happen to good men, but then the Lord's mysterious ways were never understood. One thing I'm sure though, the Lord loved him and wants our loved one to be with Him. He didn't left us behind, God has trusted him so much that God let him went ahead of us to prepare our places there.
He had lived in the presence of his family with abundant love but even bigger is the love that he has given to the family. A humble man with a simple faith, a husband with solid commitment, a father with selfless caring, a brother with unspoken loyalty, a generous friend and a ninong who guides with purity in his heart.
We will continue your dreams. God speed...

my better-half

i tried to write a poem just to see if i can... the first poem i wrote was more than 10 years and i dont even remember what it was about, it was the exams to join the university press and we were required to write all forms of literary piece, including writing a poem which i dread so much... which i thought would kill me eventually... i dont know what happened but i got the slot which started my enthusiasm for writing... 

anyway, here's the poem so far... it was intended as letter but the the first line rhymes with the second so i thought... why not make it a poem... still unfinished, but i just want to blog it..

my better-half

a heart so scarred and torn

no one to blame but my own

you fill the scars/holes to make it look good

that's why you are the better person, the better half of me

Vince in Bono Malum

for the past few days, i have been experiencing a spiritual dryness... making stupid decisions after stupid decisions... in one instance, while desperately waiting for a cab i questioned God about why not give me a break and send one... silly huh... in another instance i asked God what is His message why He gave me the worst taxi cab ever... i know, it's more silly... and the most stupid of all things i did lately... trying to predict God's plan for me... the last one was really insane, it's like trying to understand women except that the possibility of succeeding to predict His plan for you on a particular day is nil (zero) unless He will boldly give it you... aka the St. Paul experience on the road to Damascus...
now, im trying to finish a book intended to public high school students in my home country... the topics include, "looking towards marriage", "marriage and the family", "responsible parenthood" which i "maybe" an expert, since it includes "how to handle conflicts in marriage", which are just popping left and right these days ;-) *i wonder where they came from*... so i started to search for some resource materials and went looking to some pastoral letters about family in general which i later realize that religion and the state does not really see eye to eye and the book will be funded by the state so you cannot really advertise heaven...

anyway, the title is not the name i intend for my future children...
Vince in Bono Malum / Overcome Evil with Good

ijtihad

i came across the word after i read an article about irshad manji. very cool person almost like jessica zafra when it comes to irony but she dances on more sensitive issues. wow, i like her guts... i have not yet finished reading about her, nor her blogs, nor have i seen her book but already im rambling about her here... well, according to wikipedia "ijtihad is a technical term of Islamic law that describes the process of making a legal decision by independent interpretation of the legal sources."... ever since i found out that Jesus and Mary the Queen of Heaven is given respect in Quran, i knew something is really good about Islam... unlike how the media had portrayed Islam, i tried to read about the religion that is actually a brother of my faith... there will be a time where peace reigns, and i hope it would be on my lifetime

10

it's been almost 10 years since i finished college and went to manila to find happiness.... i was talking to my cuz wil yesterday and i can still remember the exact moment when our ship was about to land at the north harbour of manila... april 1999, i had just finished college and wil high school... actually, i cant find wil that time coz he was eating breakfast alone at the ship's mess hall while i had just to contend myself with coffee from a styro cup because i was trying to save some money... i remember when another cuz, mj fetch us from the pier and while we are passing by baclaran on the way to imus i asked him what place was it... he said he is not sure but maybe paranaque... oh well, time flies...
and what finding happiness? well, i found a job... which was essential for surviving but not really happiness...
almost 10 years later... me and my cuz wil might find ourselves again on a ship "going back to the barracks" as he would put it...
10 years and 10 cities pasig(ortigas), osaka, kobe, tokyo, manila, makati, kuala lumpur, singapore, mandaluyong and jakarta...
...stopped dead on track... dont know what to add anymore... there's just too many memories...

duh...

some people gets their dream job, so for them... work isn't really work. it's all about fun and passion and sometimes they get paid really well...
guys like kobe bryant and j.k. rowling are having so much fun while earning millions of dollars... while some unnamed professor or a public litigator are also having lots of fun and passion with not much to show for it...
people like gloria arroyo are in it for power, while some people from the real estate are in it for the dough...
my dream job? i'd like to be a profiler... yes, like those guys in the bahavioural analysis unit of the fbi... and yes, im watching too much tv... hehehe...
well i sort of realize years ago that, it is what i really want to do... until i came across the tv series 'criminal minds' and found out that it is what it's called...duh.. yeah i know, useless ramblings...

CFC

nope its not the chlorofluorocarbon that destroys the ozone layer... it's a group of couples praying together Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam (for the greater glory of God)...

amazing how a person could be spiritual in many stages of their lives, which i conclude with a question:
who prays more passionately and with more conviction?
a poor person in times of needs and distress or a rich man giving praises and thanks?

crossroads

suddenly... blogging seems to be finding it's way back again in my veins...
now i get it, everytime im in a crossroad it seems akatenshi hush or insanity are the ones getting all the grunts...

another crossroads... *bone thugs-n-harmony song playing in my mind*

no matter how i try, finding a permanent job in indonesia seems so elusive...
so, what to do? amazingly, im not so anxious or paranoid... so, when i read that quote from mother theresa of calcutta i almost fell off my chair... that's why it's a bit difficult because He trusted me so much... or is this just paranoia creeping in... anyway, im done with the glitzy life... all i want to do now is enjoy my family and the trully happy people are those whose happiness come from the simplest things... the trully rich people are not with the biggest bank accounts but those with the smallest wants in life... school and coconuts crossing my mind regularly... :-)

dark knight of the soul

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
"Jesus said love one another. He didn't say love the whole world."
~ Blessed Mother Theresa

after finding these lines in the internet, i thought this one should be in my blog... then i found out it's been more than a year and 3 months since my last entry... and why would i stumble around the blessed mother's word???
i was looking for a nice name... nope, my wife isn't pregnant yet but... i dont know, i just like to have a name in my mind... just in case...
anyway, the blessed mother's given name was agnes gonxha which means rosebud in albanian... which also sounds good anyway... then i went reading about her words and these where what struck me most... it was very witty and comedic at most but not in a sarcastic manner...

the title is in no way a reference to bruce wayne, but it is a treatise written by the mystic St. John of the Cross, which they say the blessed mother suffered from...

it is great to know that during my lifetime, saints did really walked the earth...

saint to be

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.~ Blessed Mother Theresa

This one was in my "drafts"... Really cool one.... And the coolest thing... I'm posting this today (November 13, 2009) but the date posted was the date when i wrote the draft... it's like going back in time... nice... another dream fulfilled... toinkzs!!!

theistic existentialists

does the title sound a bit absurd? try "goggling" it... or better yet wikipedia...
that best describes my anxiety these days... i thought i was being rational or realist, but im just being existentialist... just being me.
i first come across this word last year (which i also blogged) but then i missed what's the real meaning of the word... now, im living it...
kierkegaard and tillich have detailed description about this, and it's fun to finally explain the way im feeling these days... that's why i enjoyed richard linklater's movies and sophia coppola's lost in translation, it did actually contain existential themes... this is getting fascinating, as to finally confirm im sane 0_0 (to borrow an icon from kai, damn im stealing again)
this could be a good awakening for me...
but i have to get back to my work, i need to finish all those policies, procedures and templates... trying to "impose structure on a world of phenomena that is fundamentally irrational and random (sarte)"
contradicting what i am made of...
i will survive this, i dont know how but i will... that is existentialism for you...

"The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God, and keep his commandments; for that is the whole duty of everyone." - Book of Ecclesiasties