my better-half

i tried to write a poem just to see if i can... the first poem i wrote was more than 10 years and i dont even remember what it was about, it was the exams to join the university press and we were required to write all forms of literary piece, including writing a poem which i dread so much... which i thought would kill me eventually... i dont know what happened but i got the slot which started my enthusiasm for writing... 

anyway, here's the poem so far... it was intended as letter but the the first line rhymes with the second so i thought... why not make it a poem... still unfinished, but i just want to blog it..

my better-half

a heart so scarred and torn

no one to blame but my own

you fill the scars/holes to make it look good

that's why you are the better person, the better half of me

Vince in Bono Malum

for the past few days, i have been experiencing a spiritual dryness... making stupid decisions after stupid decisions... in one instance, while desperately waiting for a cab i questioned God about why not give me a break and send one... silly huh... in another instance i asked God what is His message why He gave me the worst taxi cab ever... i know, it's more silly... and the most stupid of all things i did lately... trying to predict God's plan for me... the last one was really insane, it's like trying to understand women except that the possibility of succeeding to predict His plan for you on a particular day is nil (zero) unless He will boldly give it you... aka the St. Paul experience on the road to Damascus...
now, im trying to finish a book intended to public high school students in my home country... the topics include, "looking towards marriage", "marriage and the family", "responsible parenthood" which i "maybe" an expert, since it includes "how to handle conflicts in marriage", which are just popping left and right these days ;-) *i wonder where they came from*... so i started to search for some resource materials and went looking to some pastoral letters about family in general which i later realize that religion and the state does not really see eye to eye and the book will be funded by the state so you cannot really advertise heaven...

anyway, the title is not the name i intend for my future children...
Vince in Bono Malum / Overcome Evil with Good

ijtihad

i came across the word after i read an article about irshad manji. very cool person almost like jessica zafra when it comes to irony but she dances on more sensitive issues. wow, i like her guts... i have not yet finished reading about her, nor her blogs, nor have i seen her book but already im rambling about her here... well, according to wikipedia "ijtihad is a technical term of Islamic law that describes the process of making a legal decision by independent interpretation of the legal sources."... ever since i found out that Jesus and Mary the Queen of Heaven is given respect in Quran, i knew something is really good about Islam... unlike how the media had portrayed Islam, i tried to read about the religion that is actually a brother of my faith... there will be a time where peace reigns, and i hope it would be on my lifetime

10

it's been almost 10 years since i finished college and went to manila to find happiness.... i was talking to my cuz wil yesterday and i can still remember the exact moment when our ship was about to land at the north harbour of manila... april 1999, i had just finished college and wil high school... actually, i cant find wil that time coz he was eating breakfast alone at the ship's mess hall while i had just to contend myself with coffee from a styro cup because i was trying to save some money... i remember when another cuz, mj fetch us from the pier and while we are passing by baclaran on the way to imus i asked him what place was it... he said he is not sure but maybe paranaque... oh well, time flies...
and what finding happiness? well, i found a job... which was essential for surviving but not really happiness...
almost 10 years later... me and my cuz wil might find ourselves again on a ship "going back to the barracks" as he would put it...
10 years and 10 cities pasig(ortigas), osaka, kobe, tokyo, manila, makati, kuala lumpur, singapore, mandaluyong and jakarta...
...stopped dead on track... dont know what to add anymore... there's just too many memories...

duh...

some people gets their dream job, so for them... work isn't really work. it's all about fun and passion and sometimes they get paid really well...
guys like kobe bryant and j.k. rowling are having so much fun while earning millions of dollars... while some unnamed professor or a public litigator are also having lots of fun and passion with not much to show for it...
people like gloria arroyo are in it for power, while some people from the real estate are in it for the dough...
my dream job? i'd like to be a profiler... yes, like those guys in the bahavioural analysis unit of the fbi... and yes, im watching too much tv... hehehe...
well i sort of realize years ago that, it is what i really want to do... until i came across the tv series 'criminal minds' and found out that it is what it's called...duh.. yeah i know, useless ramblings...

CFC

nope its not the chlorofluorocarbon that destroys the ozone layer... it's a group of couples praying together Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam (for the greater glory of God)...

amazing how a person could be spiritual in many stages of their lives, which i conclude with a question:
who prays more passionately and with more conviction?
a poor person in times of needs and distress or a rich man giving praises and thanks?

crossroads

suddenly... blogging seems to be finding it's way back again in my veins...
now i get it, everytime im in a crossroad it seems akatenshi hush or insanity are the ones getting all the grunts...

another crossroads... *bone thugs-n-harmony song playing in my mind*

no matter how i try, finding a permanent job in indonesia seems so elusive...
so, what to do? amazingly, im not so anxious or paranoid... so, when i read that quote from mother theresa of calcutta i almost fell off my chair... that's why it's a bit difficult because He trusted me so much... or is this just paranoia creeping in... anyway, im done with the glitzy life... all i want to do now is enjoy my family and the trully happy people are those whose happiness come from the simplest things... the trully rich people are not with the biggest bank accounts but those with the smallest wants in life... school and coconuts crossing my mind regularly... :-)

dark knight of the soul

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
"Jesus said love one another. He didn't say love the whole world."
~ Blessed Mother Theresa

after finding these lines in the internet, i thought this one should be in my blog... then i found out it's been more than a year and 3 months since my last entry... and why would i stumble around the blessed mother's word???
i was looking for a nice name... nope, my wife isn't pregnant yet but... i dont know, i just like to have a name in my mind... just in case...
anyway, the blessed mother's given name was agnes gonxha which means rosebud in albanian... which also sounds good anyway... then i went reading about her words and these where what struck me most... it was very witty and comedic at most but not in a sarcastic manner...

the title is in no way a reference to bruce wayne, but it is a treatise written by the mystic St. John of the Cross, which they say the blessed mother suffered from...

it is great to know that during my lifetime, saints did really walked the earth...

saint to be

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.~ Blessed Mother Theresa

This one was in my "drafts"... Really cool one.... And the coolest thing... I'm posting this today (November 13, 2009) but the date posted was the date when i wrote the draft... it's like going back in time... nice... another dream fulfilled... toinkzs!!!