akatenshi hush

what journey?

2010-02-22T12:05:00.002+08:00

so many times i read about "journeys in life"... some people say plan it carefully for intended goal, others say it's not the destination but the "journey"...

what journey? if you think you are in one, think again... if you said life is a journey, think again...

our lives are defined by every single decision that we make, so in every single moment of our lives, we are in a crossroad. and after selecting a path, then another crossroad... and another crossroad...

there's only "Yes" and "No"... sometimes you even can't chose, you are pushed to take roads you don't want to... sometimes the path you want to take is blocked... then we try to overcome those blockages, but doing that is already taking another path...

so what journey?

left behind

2010-02-02T20:21:00.001+08:00

i have been crossing this sea for as long as I can remember... can't
wait seeing you again...

the heart in sonar view

2010-02-02T13:03:00.001+08:00

baby's heart...

it works!

2010-02-02T12:23:00.001+08:00

it works! nice one google... oh well... if I can attached pictures
then it's ultimate!!!

--
Sent from my mobile device

Email Blogger

2010-02-02T12:21:00.001+08:00

i'm testing this email blogger if it works... that's all...

senseless

2009-11-24T13:56:00.003+08:00

what happened in maguindanao yesterday is purely evil... and as a matter of fact senseless... i wonder how the minds of these people conceive such actions... in an obvious state, who would take the lives of defenseless and clearly non-aggressive women out to file a certificate of candidacy to challenge the incumbent politician... in an obvious state, the incumbent politician has not issued any statement (admittance, denial, or the standard "we will investigate and bring justice to these criminals") regarding incidents within his own backyard... in an obvious state, a presidents' absence of political will to arrest and persecute the characters of this senseless violence...
i wonder how someone would ask his/her God for forgiveness on this... one can convince the whole world that he/she didn't lift a finger on this, but can that person convince himself/herself and his/her God?
a life-giver lost her life to the very people given life by their mothers... how can i even convince myself to forgive these people...

a conversation

2009-11-13T17:05:00.002+08:00

"Do you believe in God?"

"Yes I do" I answered. "Why do you ask?" I shot back.

"Do you really believe that your God can save you?"

"Of course I do, What kind of question is that?" I insisted.

"If so then jump from this tall building and believe that you wont die and your God or His angels will save you"

"Ah... I've heard that one before, and I can still remember the answer..." I responded.

But then I remember I'm not JC. Damn, How would I... How could I...

I realized that i have heard that questions before and i know the answer but it was never directed to me. Not until now...

"Well, I don't think that is what God wants me to do." I reasoned out.

"Im pretty sure that if I jump on that building I be will saved, if not my physical form... then definitely my soul..." whew, nice one.

"But God doesn't want me to do that, He wants me to spread His words... and His love."

"There are already so many people doing that."

Whoa, I wonder where do he get his persistence.

"And I'm one of them..." I said, smiling sheepishly... I knew I have won the battle, but the war is still far from over...

then silence....

sunscreen...

2009-10-29T12:06:00.002+08:00

Pray and Love... could be interchangeable but one will not survive without the other... Some people may call their God differently, respect it...

sunscreen without the sun can do damage

2009-10-28T12:04:00.009+08:00

Here's my own version of Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen

Shyness can be mistaken as aggressiveness. Being quiet does not necessarily means agreeing to something. We think that everything we do will eventually make us happy, we wont. The absence of goodness is evil, evil cannot procreate itself. It's true that the world is round, sometimes it's bright and sunny, sometimes it's dim and gloomy... also sometimes, in other parts of world the sun never sets and the moon never sleeps... so forget about waiting for the world to be in your favor, do something before it does. How many times have you heard that "it's not the destination but the journey"?... how many times have you actually listen? Everyone is equal, when you hug a tree, the tree doesn't care whoever you are... Freedom, the chance to have choices or the choice to have chances...

to be continued...

at 8 weeks

2009-10-23T13:41:00.000+08:00

Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

2009-10-23T13:29:00.006+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience… I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked…. You’re not as fat as you imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…

modern tech, same message

2009-09-18T10:44:00.003+08:00

it's kinda cool when you are only 6 weeks old and our friends and your family from (almost) around the world knew of your existence...

be aware that you are loved, and that love, no one can take away from you...

the best is yet to come... see yah!

a father's tale

2009-09-17T15:12:00.002+08:00

......

basically, no words to describe...

my laptop is blank, my mind is blank...

my coffee mug is empty, my brain is empty...

my mind is playing tricks on me... as if there's earthquake and my heartbeat races up...

i feel cold and sweating... and that is just knowing that it is positive...

and if the time comes that i would actually hold in my hands the miracle... then what... i dont know...

im blogging so that i would not forget, that this day, a man can be in more than two places at one time...

"... i dont need no words, to tell me about heaven... i just look at my daughter (or son) and i believe..."

~ Heaven performed by Live

pasig (part of 10 years, 10 cities series...)

2009-09-09T16:38:00.005+08:00

i remember writing about 10 years and 10 cities...

pasig(ortigas), osaka, kobe, tokyo, manila, makati, kuala lumpur, singapore, mandaluyong and jakarta...

pasig - ortigas: 1999, along Dr. Sixto Antonio Ave. (yes, the same street in the Eheads' song)... next to the famous ULTRA... there was a sisig house right outside Citihomes, my first address in Metro Manila!!!... i remembered going to the ULTRA gym, pretending to be a national athlete (i was thinking athletics, but the guard thought i was a fencer), with former national athlete ronard john... he would help me with my bench press and would pick up a pair of pants from my closet... he would relate (sad) stories of being in the national team with meager budget, and of defeating multi-millionaire athletes like david buenavacz... as an armyman, he was deployed in mindanao and gave first-hand account of a real war... chilling... and as he survived his battle, mine was just beginning...

reincarnation

2009-09-09T15:33:00.005+08:00

no... i dont believe in reincarnation...

but what's happening is almost beyond belief, reincarnation of events exactly as it was years ago...

in the beginning of my journey, i was given a senior who does not know more than me... i do all the legwork and he gets all the credits... so i quit, and started the journey again somewhere else...

next, i was deceived of colorful words as empty as white... left in the middle of an arena with lions to fend... i remembered daniel, keeped the faith... until i met a prophet who would take me out of the dungeon (or so i thought...)

the prophet was brilliant and many believed him... but i dont understand why his lies were important... and left me with a wandering, wondering flock... it's not that i cant take care of them, but the prophets' word are so ingrained in their veins that i cant purify them without hurting them too much... so i quit again and crossed the seas and mountains... hoping to find that noble who would take me under his wings...

and like the beginning of my journey, a senior no better than me, i do all the legwork and he reaps the praises...

and like the middle of my journey, colorful words which fed me to the lions...

and like the last part of my journey, will leave me a wandering, wondering flock with impurities in their blood much worse than my previous flock...

"what goes around, comes around..." - alicia keys

have a blessed Rahmadan you all...

writing in random

2009-06-23T13:45:00.003+08:00

writing in random...
half-filled glasses and conceited bosses... the number 3 everywhere i look as if reminding me of "something"...
stripes and checkered and no connections...
green and blue is nothing new...
long standing dilemma with endless choices...
running in circles and reconcilable differences...
all the same points to one thing...
people will never be satisfied with the wealth they have now...

my beloved Son

2009-05-05T23:00:00.004+08:00

and a voice came from the heavens," You are My beloved Son, with You I am well pleased." ~Mark 1:11
was a part of the gospel reading on my birthday last 1/11...
i was awed, it was like someone talking straight to my heart. a message so well-placed that it seems so ordinary but for a certain person reading it would mean differently.
with that expectation, what can we do to please Him. in an everlasting cycles of life every option has been isolated and studied upon, every turn is being criticized, every decision has been analyzed, what's left out there? is there even a music that has not been created, or an art piece that has not been thought about?
at a very early age we already know what is pleasing to Him, it's true that whatever we can learn, we already learned when we were at kindergarten...

1st of May

2009-05-01T11:53:00.003+08:00

"when i was small and Christmas trees were tall, we used to laugh while others used to play...
don't asked me why, but time has passed us by, someone else moved in from far away..."

reminiscing is fascinating, it brings us to our comfort zones and dwelling there in a second seems to give us "something" to look forward to... that is until you question the pasts.

questioning the past "could" be a mistake or as a cliche "skating on thin ice", more likely than not you'll get stuck into a cold hole and will freeze you. Freeze you in a certain point of time, detached you from reality and blur your vision.
Now, while writing this blog, it is inclining me to connect reminiscing as a form of entertainment

mimpi di siang bolong (~thanks ike) means day-dreaming in bahasa indonesia

coconut butter cookies

2009-03-30T16:25:00.005+08:00

i wrote down these ramblings in my office scratch pad... maybe after watching "slumdog millionaire", but maybe it's because that i've seen this situation so many times and up until now i still can't figure out the proper response. here it goes...
"...in a moment your faith hangs on to some insignificant person in your life. you are not even friends and you don't care about each other, but, at that specific time, your happiness and your whole life, including that of your love ones hangs on the simple decision of that insignificant person. how do you fight that? just shows everything is already written..."

lal

2009-03-24T18:14:00.006+08:00

i had always been ranting about how i am satisfied with my career and that i could do whatever i wanted to and that i have tried every level as an office worker but then some things would challenge my pathetic mind once again. working with the indians means dealing with a lot of politics, really a lot. as the newest guy, they either take me as a threat to their job security or maybe in a more realistic sense, a newbie that knows nothing. once some colleagues asked me to do editing of a document by straightening out the alignment of figures, i just smiled at them (in my mind: are you guys crazy asking me to do that?), went back to my desk and continue browsing the net. i was waiting for them to send me the files, but it didnt came and the leader change my assignment.
once again i failed in a humility test, which i believed is the topic for this moment of my life now...
lal, is a hindi word meaning "red"

a silent heart

2009-02-14T17:22:00.000+08:00

We wonder why unexpected things happen to good men, but then the Lord's mysterious ways were never understood. One thing I'm sure though, the Lord loved him and wants our loved one to be with Him. He didn't left us behind, God has trusted him so much that God let him went ahead of us to prepare our places there.
He had lived in the presence of his family with abundant love but even bigger is the love that he has given to the family. A humble man with a simple faith, a husband with solid commitment, a father with selfless caring, a brother with unspoken loyalty, a generous friend and a ninong who guides with purity in his heart.
We will continue your dreams. God speed...

my better-half

2008-12-10T11:40:00.003+08:00

i tried to write a poem just to see if i can... the first poem i wrote was more than 10 years and i dont even remember what it was about, it was the exams to join the university press and we were required to write all forms of literary piece, including writing a poem which i dread so much... which i thought would kill me eventually... i dont know what happened but i got the slot which started my enthusiasm for writing...

anyway, here's the poem so far... it was intended as letter but the the first line rhymes with the second so i thought... why not make it a poem... still unfinished, but i just want to blog it..

my better-half

a heart so scarred and torn

no one to blame but my own

you fill the scars/holes to make it look good

that's why you are the better person, the better half of me

Vince in Bono Malum

2008-09-09T19:21:00.000+08:00

for the past few days, i have been experiencing a spiritual dryness... making stupid decisions after stupid decisions... in one instance, while desperately waiting for a cab i questioned God about why not give me a break and send one... silly huh... in another instance i asked God what is His message why He gave me the worst taxi cab ever... i know, it's more silly... and the most stupid of all things i did lately... trying to predict God's plan for me... the last one was really insane, it's like trying to understand women except that the possibility of succeeding to predict His plan for you on a particular day is nil (zero) unless He will boldly give it you... aka the St. Paul experience on the road to Damascus...
now, im trying to finish a book intended to public high school students in my home country... the topics include, "looking towards marriage", "marriage and the family", "responsible parenthood" which i "maybe" an expert, since it includes "how to handle conflicts in marriage", which are just popping left and right these days ;-) *i wonder where they came from*... so i started to search for some resource materials and went looking to some pastoral letters about family in general which i later realize that religion and the state does not really see eye to eye and the book will be funded by the state so you cannot really advertise heaven...

anyway, the title is not the name i intend for my future children...
Vince in Bono Malum / Overcome Evil with Good

ijtihad

2008-09-03T21:26:00.001+08:00

i came across the word after i read an article about irshad manji. very cool person almost like jessica zafra when it comes to irony but she dances on more sensitive issues. wow, i like her guts... i have not yet finished reading about her, nor her blogs, nor have i seen her book but already im rambling about her here... well, according to wikipedia "ijtihad is a technical term of Islamic law that describes the process of making a legal decision by independent interpretation of the legal sources."... ever since i found out that Jesus and Mary the Queen of Heaven is given respect in Quran, i knew something is really good about Islam... unlike how the media had portrayed Islam, i tried to read about the religion that is actually a brother of my faith... there will be a time where peace reigns, and i hope it would be on my lifetime

10

2008-08-18T06:30:00.000+08:00

it's been almost 10 years since i finished college and went to manila to find happiness.... i was talking to my cuz wil yesterday and i can still remember the exact moment when our ship was about to land at the north harbour of manila... april 1999, i had just finished college and wil high school... actually, i cant find wil that time coz he was eating breakfast alone at the ship's mess hall while i had just to contend myself with coffee from a styro cup because i was trying to save some money... i remember when another cuz, mj fetch us from the pier and while we are passing by baclaran on the way to imus i asked him what place was it... he said he is not sure but maybe paranaque... oh well, time flies...
and what finding happiness? well, i found a job... which was essential for surviving but not really happiness...
almost 10 years later... me and my cuz wil might find ourselves again on a ship "going back to the barracks" as he would put it...
10 years and 10 cities pasig(ortigas), osaka, kobe, tokyo, manila, makati, kuala lumpur, singapore, mandaluyong and jakarta...
...stopped dead on track... dont know what to add anymore... there's just too many memories...

duh...

2008-08-12T07:17:00.000+08:00

some people gets their dream job, so for them... work isn't really work. it's all about fun and passion and sometimes they get paid really well...
guys like kobe bryant and j.k. rowling are having so much fun while earning millions of dollars... while some unnamed professor or a public litigator are also having lots of fun and passion with not much to show for it...
people like gloria arroyo are in it for power, while some people from the real estate are in it for the dough...
my dream job? i'd like to be a profiler... yes, like those guys in the bahavioural analysis unit of the fbi... and yes, im watching too much tv... hehehe...
well i sort of realize years ago that, it is what i really want to do... until i came across the tv series 'criminal minds' and found out that it is what it's called...duh.. yeah i know, useless ramblings...

CFC

2008-08-12T06:16:00.000+08:00

nope its not the chlorofluorocarbon that destroys the ozone layer... it's a group of couples praying together Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam (for the greater glory of God)...

amazing how a person could be spiritual in many stages of their lives, which i conclude with a question:
who prays more passionately and with more conviction?
a poor person in times of needs and distress or a rich man giving praises and thanks?

crossroads

2008-07-29T11:20:00.003+08:00

suddenly... blogging seems to be finding it's way back again in my veins...
now i get it, everytime im in a crossroad it seems akatenshi hush or insanity are the ones getting all the grunts...

another crossroads... *bone thugs-n-harmony song playing in my mind*

no matter how i try, finding a permanent job in indonesia seems so elusive...
so, what to do? amazingly, im not so anxious or paranoid... so, when i read that quote from mother theresa of calcutta i almost fell off my chair... that's why it's a bit difficult because He trusted me so much... or is this just paranoia creeping in... anyway, im done with the glitzy life... all i want to do now is enjoy my family and the trully happy people are those whose happiness come from the simplest things... the trully rich people are not with the biggest bank accounts but those with the smallest wants in life... school and coconuts crossing my mind regularly... :-)

dark knight of the soul

2008-07-29T10:54:00.004+08:00

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
"Jesus said love one another. He didn't say love the whole world."
~ Blessed Mother Theresa

after finding these lines in the internet, i thought this one should be in my blog... then i found out it's been more than a year and 3 months since my last entry... and why would i stumble around the blessed mother's word???
i was looking for a nice name... nope, my wife isn't pregnant yet but... i dont know, i just like to have a name in my mind... just in case...
anyway, the blessed mother's given name was agnes gonxha which means rosebud in albanian... which also sounds good anyway... then i went reading about her words and these where what struck me most... it was very witty and comedic at most but not in a sarcastic manner...

the title is in no way a reference to bruce wayne, but it is a treatise written by the mystic St. John of the Cross, which they say the blessed mother suffered from...

it is great to know that during my lifetime, saints did really walked the earth...

saint to be

2008-07-29T10:46:00.003+08:00

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.~ Blessed Mother Theresa

This one was in my "drafts"... Really cool one.... And the coolest thing... I'm posting this today (November 13, 2009) but the date posted was the date when i wrote the draft... it's like going back in time... nice... another dream fulfilled... toinkzs!!!

theistic existentialists

2007-04-17T18:43:00.001+08:00

does the title sound a bit absurd? try "goggling" it... or better yet wikipedia...
that best describes my anxiety these days... i thought i was being rational or realist, but im just being existentialist... just being me.
i first come across this word last year (which i also blogged) but then i missed what's the real meaning of the word... now, im living it...
kierkegaard and tillich have detailed description about this, and it's fun to finally explain the way im feeling these days... that's why i enjoyed richard linklater's movies and sophia coppola's lost in translation, it did actually contain existential themes... this is getting fascinating, as to finally confirm im sane 0_0 (to borrow an icon from kai, damn im stealing again)
this could be a good awakening for me...
but i have to get back to my work, i need to finish all those policies, procedures and templates... trying to "impose structure on a world of phenomena that is fundamentally irrational and random (sarte)"
contradicting what i am made of...
i will survive this, i dont know how but i will... that is existentialism for you...

"The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God, and keep his commandments; for that is the whole duty of everyone." - Book of Ecclesiasties

house of spektor

2007-04-11T16:29:00.000+08:00

someone ask me to listen to regina spektor... whew!
well, if you're gonna ask me how is she... then i'm out of words...
my already altered state of mind has been altered some more...
hhhmmm, it seems i can describe dr. house more because he has intentions, while regina's music... i dont have a clue where she's heading....
i swear if ever regina and dr. house would have a conversation i would like to be in the front row listening...
they both play with words nicely, very sarcastic, trying to be different, insane...
both is really aware that they dont give a damn about what would people say about them...
just wondering... are the people who likes listening to regina spektor and watching the tv series house could be describe as above... and if ever i found another one who does... i'd say to her/him... congratulations, here's for you from Queen "...another one bites the dust..."
oh yeah, i have a word to describe them regardless of intentions... "cruel!".. :-p

obviously i wrote the title last coz i was not planning on blogging about greg house until i recognized a comparison....

the mind

2007-04-04T10:28:00.000+08:00

im having mild anxiety attacks the fast few weeks... weird and unnatural for someone who thinks he has great control. yeah, i always thought i had a good control of my life... first, i identify the things that is out of my hand then i make use the full potential of those i could reach... well, it seems like it's cheating or very scheming but for me it's not... it is not breaking rules but "bending the rules"... and im good at it... the japanese thought me how to strictly follow rules, the indians thought me to be convincing, the chinese to be persistent, the malaysians to be proud of what you have and the filipinos to make "palusot"...
and being anxious for quite some time now... it feels really weird... where are all those rational thinking that i thought i have?
maybe it's only now that it is becoming a blur... having spent some of my time in those different countries, experiencing different cultures (and some awful foods)... my mind has been coaxing me to do something but then i end up doing nothing... my rational brain told me to slow down, so i gave in to my sis and attended a "spiritual spa"... it was ok while i was there, until i came back to my bed and started becoming anxious again... some people could sleep better in their beds, and im the reverse...
something is egging me, and i cant quite decipher who/what... but i will catch you... i just hope i wont catch my own tail... damn... that would really be a hard pill to swallow...
but then what's to be there to be anxious... i like love stories anyway...

missing january

2007-02-17T23:21:00.000+08:00

last year, i failed to blog anything in january... and then this year too... seems unusual coz i dont think anybody would forget to blog on their birthmonths unless it is intentional... but i did for 2 straight years and it was unintentional.

i think it's nice to blog something about birthdays especially your own... but i dont usually remember what happened during my birthdays, im the kind of person that likes to "enjoy the moment" and doesnt get busy trying to document them or maybe i could recall 2 birthdays...

1 was in 1995, when i celebrated by birthday during my grandma's funeral, i dont even recall if someone in the family greeted me "happy birthday" (im sure my folks did greet me) coz it wasn't really appropriate to be happy that time... my granny's demise was unexpected, she slipped and injured her head... the last few minutes that we were together, she was telling me that she is okay and not to worry... then off i went to college only to go back a week later, to celebrate my bday and the life she had... i had to wake up some friends from town, and ask them to stay up with me coz it's my bday, and no one seems to notice...
another 1 was in 2000, i celebrated my bday in a foreign land with people i just met... i was expected to be in japan for the next 10 months and it was only my 2nd day... i hardly speak the language, im with a group of people whom i've met a couple of months back in the office and we were drinking whisky i bought from convenient store whose brand name is "red"... they were a lot of "happy birthday" and "tanjoubi omedetou" greetings but from people i hardly knew...
easily, you can identify which of the two had put more smiles on my face during my birthday... and also a more ironic way of celebrating a birthday...

fish

2006-11-06T17:23:00.000+08:00

as i was saying(or writing) in my earlier blog i will update this blog on November, then i realized it is already the 6th of November (happy bday granny!) and i have to update akatenshi hush...
what happened?
i was all set to go to jakarta, projects are coming in and im thinking of financial rewards, i had quit smoking,…. for short i am on my way of living the way i always imagined... im high!!!
then suddenly,
things took sudden sharp turns, my supposed trip didn’t materialize (worst it was my Gg’s bday and i was not there), i was on financial burden because there were some unexpected expenses and then my boss was keeping my check without my knowledge (for the intention of borrowing it, as it was only given to me today and was borrowed of course) and frustration came sneaking and i puffed a cigarette (after weeks of quitting)
the past weeks, im feeling like i lost some battles, i was really contemplating so hard if really did forgot God during the days or weeks that i was on a high… i was asking myself were the things i did was to please Gg? or God? ifelt the answer was yes, so ibegged for forgiveness and shared the story with Gg

last week, Friday, iwas feeling very sick that i have difficulty walking but still i went to this small church in a mall, and there was a big celebration because it was first friday and it was the feast day of st. martin de porres who is the patron of public health, and i realized that i was forgiven for the wrong that i have done

last night, i attended a baptismal celebration where i was invited to be a godparent(i think it's my 3rd time in the past 2 months, not counting the baptismal of my nephew which thankfully i wasn't a godfather), so i was thinking of "here we go again, the same script that starts from lighting candles in the church and ends with small talks at the reception"... normally, i wouldn't go drinking with people i hardly knew... so, there i was seated with a 50ish veterinarian (in whose house we are in, actually it's a small "bahay-kubo" on the lawn of his house), his kumpare who is a 60 year-old former sales manager that reminds a lot of a young berting labra which really good sense of humor, a mid-30's private investigator who looks tough but actually is mr. romantic and the vet's assistant/carpenter who is my new "kumpare"... they are a group of people who actually knew each other and im the newbie...
i popped my first bottle of beer thinking that it will be over in 10 minutes and then i'll be leaving to do whatever household chore i could on a sunday afternoon... half-way through my bottle, fsm (former sales manager) has kept me fascinated with his stories, he's the same age as dad so i was all ears, doc( the vet) is also an interesting person and pi(private investigator) has some quite amusing stories especially when he started to get a bit tipsy... it was so amazed that i got along easily with the group, just there listening to their stories.
doc lived a high-profile life for having the surname "javier" but is a very humble person these days (danny of the popular trio APO was his 1st-degree cousin, but never once in the entire conversations did he mention it), he had a bad marriage which resulted to an accident that damaged half of his face, he is now living in with someone who really loves him and take cares of him, hence, he can get drunk and all and believes that someone would be there to take care of him... he is a really nice fellow and very friendly... but i think he will be happier if his 1st marriage will be annulled(his first application was declined) so he can marry his current partner and then have another child or two.
pi is the person whom i can tell works for the government, and i was right… before becoming a pi he was a government employee… he was quoting this filipino movie “milan” several times… the line goes like this “mahal mo ako dahil kailangan mo ako o kailangan mo ako kaya minahal mo ako”….. which, for me has the same meaning but yes, if you assume it in a situation then the meanings would eventually change… i admire the guy for being a strong person, for 5 years of married life they still don’t a have kid after his wife had a miscarriage on the 1^st year of their marriage and the guy is still so romantic to his wife, or maybe he was just horny that night… but no, i felt sincerity there…
the best conversations i had though was with fsm… he was married at least twice (without annulment)… he have 2 daughters with his current wife who are also both married and he abhors both his in-laws for really valid reasons…
I was able to but in once, where i explained that in Greek there are four words for love. stergo which is for family members, fileo for friends, eros for sensual love (hence the word erotic) and agape, the highest form of love which is loving without expecting anything in return.

I really like talking to guys older than me…. experience always beats intelligence… all the time!

after hearing their stories, i felt lucky and blessed… my problems became so small as compared to theirs!

This was the 2^nd time that I’ve been in a similar situation; the first time this happened to me was when i was on a ministry to a depressed area for yfc, my problems was so small compared to those youths that shared stories.

comfort in your strangeness

2006-10-02T14:19:00.000+08:00

i told myself i would update my blog sometime on the 11th month of this year but this one will be the exception...because of the blogs "wawit" and "comfort in my strangeness", akatenshi hush was born so this is something like a salute to the inspiration
as music is the soul of this blog, i was listening to bam's playlist in itunes here in the office and i came across this song (same title as above) by cynthia alexander and i realize something... this i've got to really write down...

noohkoeg, death, wawit or any other name you call yourself is not near anymore, at least before if wanted you to be there then you're there (of course it comes with a price... hehehe... nah, im not complaining ;-)) but now...
thanks for the company and the friendship... i know i'll see you again but really don't know when...
take care and God bless always!!!
P.S.
that country-sounding song "those days" is really fun, i have to get a cynthia alexander cd...
and my sis wants to invite you on her bday on the 18th... hehehe...

let's talk about six

2006-08-11T11:09:00.000+08:00

that is my company's theme for our 6th year anniversary tonight...
hmmmm... weird , it's my 6th month in the company...
people in the office has been upbeat as early as monday... talking 'bout food, booze, celebrities, prizes, music, etc.. we even have our company logo made into temporary tattoo to serve as our gate pass...
others had prepared as early as last week to buy clothes to wear...
after i had attended 2 previous parties hosted by this company, i know it will be blast...

ironically, im not excited at all... i don't know why... it seems i would enjoy more at home with my pc...
i think im gonna pass... (",)

paradise 6520

2006-08-08T12:50:00.000+08:00

"what about it?"...
"well, i was the 6520th person who would like to use the name paradise..."
"oh... ok..."

i remebered the movie "fools rush in" which starred salma hayek and... forget the guy (",)
anyway, i guess it came from this elvis presley's song with a line like this:
Wise men say..
Only fools rush in...
and guess what,.. the song has a total of only 6 unique lines (so that's 1/3 of the whole song)

life is not the destination, it's the journey... so along the way, stop to smell flowers, take some deep breath of the early morning dew just before sunrise... sit and watch the sun melt as it dips on the beach... run and have fun in the rain to feel as if heaven's touching you...
but then again these things are much more blissful with someone really special...

as the song continues...
...but i cant help
... falling in love with you

just scribbling

2006-07-25T10:43:00.000+08:00

i never really developed a like for boy bands except maybe for 4 to 5 songs and that's it...
lately, my ofcmates has been playing these songs and i would always object and i will always be outnumbered :-(
so i have to resort to my headphones and play chill out musics (coz it's always raining)
then today i played bob marley, and it really suited up with the weather... nice eh!

anyway, we've found a way to download videos from you tube... :-p

ngarag

2006-07-21T12:47:00.000+08:00

"ngarag" - a term used to describe a person with 20 tasks he/she is juggling with two hands...

i was like that for the past week, except that not all the activities are for the office ;-)
but still, im using 2 computers, each with it's own email address and their own problems... i'm monitoring 3 teams, or make that 4 (to include another committee) each with different functions and sometimes i also have to do what they are doing...

not just that, im hooked on a new rpg that's eating up the bulk of my time!!!... and there are other tons of things to do outside the office...

check out dungeon siege II.... anyone? :-)

you're beautiful

2006-07-12T21:39:00.000+08:00

hmmm.... the song by james blunt was playing in taxi...
with me is my sis, my mom and one of the beautiful face i've seen...
as the song goes.. "... and I don't think that I'll see her again..."
yeah i don't think i'll see her again...

my sis took the cgfns exam today, at 5 in morning i have to get up, brave the heavy rain... cursed the taxi's passing by without stopping... fetch her from her hotel and bring her to the exam center... then go to work (not minding the fact that i ahve to go different directions to her and to my work)

another agonizing morning i thought... then my sis went down to the lobby with a new friend, a co-examinee...
afterall, i didn't regret all that i went through before that... " ...there must be an angel with a smile on her face..."

then came the spoiler... alas, a ring on her left ring finger.... pfffft... i had to excuse myself to smoke (",)

questions...

2006-07-10T19:00:00.000+08:00

the past month, a question had been posted in my mind... i came across a discussion about heaven and if there people who died that are in heaven... one answer is when Jesus was about to die on the cross, one of those who was nailed with Him asked to Jesus to remember him when he dies... right there and then, Jesus promised to him to paradise that very moment... this was according to the Gospel of St. Luke.... however when i tried reading St. Matthew and St. Marks' Gospel, it was written that the two who were crucified with Jesus, actually mocked Him...

so i was really puzzled... which one should i believe...
then last saturday, my sister gave me a book(thanks sis!) written by a certain bible scholar named ariel valdes... he pointed out the difference on the intention of the authors.... while Mark has portrayed Jesus as more of a human being just like you and me, Luke portrayed him as divine... that's why you can see all the humanity of Jesus in Mark's account (like being angry, tired, etc... and other human traits)... while in Luke's writing, Jesus has always been loving and forgiving... very divine...

so which is which?
both are true because Jesus is both human and divine...

episkopos

2006-07-10T18:28:00.000+08:00

the past weekend has been a blessed one...

episkopos - greek word for bishop

i happened to catch the early morning sunday mass for the bishops who were gathered at the pius xii catholic center

the mass was a mix of latin, english and tagalog attended by all the bishops (in the phils., including well known bishops like bishop bacani and cardinal rosales)
it was the first time i attended a mass when the seculars outnumbered the non-seculars... it was peaceful but i was a bit destructed because i was awed by their presence...

after the mass, i went outside the holy ground for my "unholy" habit of smoking and contemplated on my calling, call me impossible but i did had some priestly calling before... but even during that time i already had choosen to have a family of my own... because i believe i'll never be ready to be like them, i succumb easily to earthly things and i am too weak to have great discipline like them... all i have is my little faith which i wanted to be nourished...

existentialism

2006-07-07T20:35:00.000+08:00

music: mr. clay - bamboo

"..i'm stronger now, stronger now than i was before ... there's no way you can hurt me..."

it's funny but i dont want to start this blog with any quotes or any line from a song or a poem but i just can't ignore the musing playing and the message it is saying... as if it were talking to me and i have to talk back...

sometimes in a journey you really had to take step back in order to move forward and in a very competitive and material world it is hard to accept that you are actually taking a step backward.

i want to believe i am an existentialist, i believe that everyone has to be responsible for their own actions and draw their own destinies...
that's why sometimes i had to personally experience a thing in order to believe to it completely...
that's why i was questioning free will and destiny and ended up with the answer about divine will...
that's why i had to take a step back and think about what i really believe in and what i wanted to do about it...

as blaise pascal wrote that without a God, life would be meaningless and miserable. people would only be able to create obstacles and overcome them in an attempt to escape boredom. and these victories would ultimately become meaningless, since people would eventually die.

come to think of it, am i really that bored that i create my own problems (obstacles) and then hurdle them in order to feel victorious?

really, i wish i was a child whose faith is the greatest of all. when you ask a child if he/she wants to go out and eat outside say mcdonald's for example, they would immediately say yes... without even bothering to think if they have money to pay for it, or what would other people say about them... they trust you that they would be taken cared off...

but iam not... i've got to be a better man :-)

things may not be exactly as i wished them to be, but i'm accepting it...

music: patience - guns n roses

need i say more about lyrics of the song? i've got it from the title itself... (",)

mad world

2006-05-17T22:42:00.000+08:00

mad world indeed....

a simple life... like what those kids were trying to picture out...

that's all i want...

threshold unlimited

2006-03-20T11:11:00.000+08:00

days later i felt like im in a limbo. i did some stupid things... i was back to my "hated" old self for a time... thanks to a friend and some inner strength left i was able to survive it... then an SMS message arrived...

just like that, i raised my threshold level a notch higher again... i don't know if you've noticed but i've been avoiding the word love like it's some kind of plague but the truth is i dont't know what to call what i am doing... for sure there is love, but what else is there? pride, selfishness, lust, pity, being a genteleman, trying to be nice... martyrdom and masochism on the extreme.... i dont know... but can i just call it simply as "Love" ?

i have been trying to understand what i am into... but the more answer and evidences that i found, the more questions and puzzles came out...

right now, im happy being with her... if i eliminate all other things and all that"s left is her... i would really be glad and thankful, happy and contented...

next: who is she?

bittersweet symphony

2006-02-22T18:09:00.000+08:00

i've known her since she was a little girl... i always thought she would be a nice girlfriend someday. i even have dreams for her and unknowingly she has fulfilled those by herself...

then came a chance, after like years of waiting (our paths crossed twice in manila, 1 in absinth, the other time in rufino, she saw me but we were not able to talk)... then finally i got to talk to her... the day of the innocents... and innocence were lost

i felt like im ready to fall again, and it's good.. coz in the process i might be able to sunset my feelings for "someone" ;-)

i asked for signs... my mom wept when she knew about it, it was the very first time me and dad had disagreement, my sis was cool about it but gives crazy comments...
i stubbornly followed what i feel and think would be the next best thing to do... i had some really valid reasons that's why i asked her to be with me...

then i let myself fall, at the same time having a parachute in my back just in case...
days pass... some were really happy and intimate... some were boring and sad... but i kept it real
she has games of her own, so i was glad i have the parachute

finally after all the charades (mine included) we have to part, coz it "might be" nonsense to be staying together....

... to be continued

waters of march

2006-02-22T17:59:00.000+08:00

my last blog: december 09, 2005

somehow i almost forgot my login name and password too...

what happened to me? what's with the title?
christmas came, new year, then my birthday.... then new work, a gf, a gf no more...
too many to write here right now

i was talking to kai and and telling her i feel like graduation day... sad but happy, somehow expecting and losing something at the same time...
see march is when most graduations are done and it would be march next week...
waters is for tears...

the story... i will write later...

and yes the music is waters of march (french version by jill caplan)

sigh

2005-12-09T12:01:00.000+08:00

i've never been to the ofc for more than 2 weeks already.... somehow, the starbucks in that ayala branch taste a little different from other starbucks *sigh*

i'll be home for Christmas.... never got to see my dad, mom and sis for 365 days!!! i will sleep in my "real" room, i will wake up in the smell of fresh garlic in my fried rice, i will hear the silent breeze of the sea everyday, i will see old places which i can only dreamt and think of, i will once again taste my mom and dad's dishes where they always argue whom cooks better and i will always answer both are great cooks and not to forget my sis' special dish, the sauteed mushrooms which until now, im still trying to like... hehehe

manila will be turned off in my life, at least for some days.....

SCAM PI

2005-12-09T11:43:00.000+08:00

i have not updated this blog for almost a month despite me logging in to internet almost everyday...
yesterday, i thought of updating this but then i remebered i have to make an abstinence in logging in to the net

well, anyway the SCAMPI B me and Karthik is doing has been really good. it even led for Karthik to say that, "for the first time in a long while, im actually enjoying this SCAMPI"

i have so much learning and having fun as well... i am convinced that this is the work i really wanted to do but considering the number of people who are already "working" on CMMI, i guess i'm a little late

11-11

2005-11-11T11:11:00.000+08:00

coincedence?

today is my grandpa's bday (dad's dad)
11-11
my other grandfather (mom's dad) bday is
1-1
my birthday
1-11

well, i started writing this blog at 11:11 am
still gives me some cold feelings thinking about this...

may God bless their souls...

come to think of it... K is the 11th letter in the alphabet, no wonder it is my fave letter since i was a kid... *wink* :-p

missing you

2005-10-28T20:39:00.000+08:00

i dont have the right reasons for acting this way
the earth passes on no other route
for me
the knight's shield yielded not to a sharp blade

a riddle and the code are unforgiving
let it be
i wish i was a child, innocent and happy

guin bilin guid kakon nga mag pakabu'ot
ag wa man ako it guin pangayo nga iba kundi maging masadya
wa ako kasayod kung tama ra
pero mahidlaw eon guid ako kimo
kunta masadya ka kung siin ka man, ag ha'eong guid pirmi

steady lang

2005-10-20T21:02:00.000+08:00

been really into some tough times these past few weeks...
some people really dont know what "fair" means and they would always try to take advantage or worst abuse people around them who are really innocent.
i would always think that i would hurt these people :
physically, but it would heal soon that they would even forget it happened
emotionally, but they are too thick-faced that they are numb already
financially, but my conscience tells me that other people are still depending on them

then the brownman revivals' album title reminded to take it easy....
everyone who has sinned will be punished, in His own time...
but i will not just sit here and not do anything...
we'll see...
steady lang kapatid...

better late than much more later

2005-10-20T20:49:00.000+08:00

i dont know what's got into me and i wasn't able to update my blog for the more than 2 weeks! i wasn't even able to post bday greetings for these people whom i consider my family...
so sorry guys, but belated happy birthday!

October
4 - Jahnica
9 - Pot
10 - Leah Mae
17 - Kristian Red
18 - my sis Jahren! (so, sorry sis... we weren't able to talk in the phone)

huh?

2005-10-03T19:33:00.000+08:00

wings of mercury
angel venus
saint earth
rogue mars
jupiter's soul
winds of saturn
uranus east
neptune nights
pluto rains
death of the sun
moon's candle of dream

penang

2005-10-01T22:22:00.000+08:00

i just like the place, it reminds me of my hometown... laid-back, great food, nice weather kind of a place. i think it's the only place in malaysia where you can get pork sate!
anyway, maybe im just trying to excite myself because i might be assigned there anytime soon and i hope it will not bore me to death.

this is my 14th post, and i didnt realize my 13th post were spoilers (actually not really good stuff... hehehe there i go again with 13) and oh, i forgot mention who the half-blood prince is in the latest potter book, it's not other than prof. severus prince snape the headmaster of Salazar Slytherin's house... hehehe

it's around10:41 and we are still in the office...

hp fan? dont read!

2005-09-26T01:10:00.000+08:00

as the 3 other books of hp has been made to movies....
here comes the spoilers for the next 3 books...

4
harry entered in the tri-wizard tournament because of voldemort
he won anyway, and become engaged with cho
cedric died, harry escaped voldemort again
hermione had a short-lived romance with viktor

5
harry saved arthur (ron's dad)
sirius was proven innocent of the crimes
albus and voldermort faced-off for the first time
DA (dumbledore's army) was formed
sirius was killed by her death eater cousin (although i think he will come back)
harry and cho broke up, so did hermione and viktor

6
harry and ginny fell in love
hermione and ron might be next
no sign of voldemort this time
snape killed albus dumbledore

horcruxes

2005-09-25T20:34:00.000+08:00

since yesterday i've been reading hp and the half-blood prince and im on chapter 23 titled horcruxes. im not really a fan but i've read the other 5 books as well (thanks sarj!) and so i have this inkling to finish this sixth book as well...
according the j.k. rowling horcrux is a the word used for an object in which a person has concealed part of their soul. then albus and harry went on to discuss how to destroy voldemort(im not afraid to mention his name either *wink*), where they have to destroy all the horcruxes created by voldemort and how albus was inisisting that harry has the greatest weapon of all... "the ability to love". (back in the 1st book, lily saved harry with a love spell or something that destroyed voldemort)

so it still boils down to the greatest inspiration of any novel, play, movie or any other form of literature and consequently all forms of art. love.
albus says it the most powerful weapon and i completely agree with him. even the writers of the dead sea scrolls and the torah talked about how JC has preached about it, and even reduced the 10 commandments to 2 which is all about... exactly, love.

wow, i sound so romantic fool... but it just confirms my beliefs...

i now knew why j.k. rowling is such a big hit... Love and Magic!

of dreams and sundays

2005-09-18T22:15:00.000+08:00

current music: dreams - cranberries
current mood: dreaming

yeah, what if im day dreaming at night... should i call it night dreaming?
talk to pot about dreaming and what if's...
sometimes, i like to think about my life and view it from afar... like watching a movie.
i like it coz i can add some scenes i like and i would delete some that i dont want...
then reality bites, hehehe... it's my life afterall whether i like it or not... as john constantine said: "He works in mysterious ways, some people like it, some don't.... but that's the way He works." (or something like that)
some more coincidences, same dreams, same plans but alas... different paths, different lights...

life has always twisted ways to teach us lessons otherwise it would be monotonous and boring.
so we kept on guessing, trying to figure out what are we going to get next... (it seems forrest gump has really a point there... about life in chocolate boxes...)
sometimes we do get what we expected to get but many times also we are caught off guard.
no matter how great we planned things out, almost all of the time it would either come up short or over of our expectation... and eventhough i prefer the latter it is not always the case.
or maybe it is why standards are sets in order to anticipate our next move, i find it ironic... don't you?

how i wish i was still a kid playing around seafdec... or a college student trying to get a ride to la granja... never knowing what to expect or only focused on the next exam period.

next song: sunday morning - marooon 5
i always looked up to sundays for rest and recreation... but not today, i have to go to clients place and work... then go back home to work some more... bayani ba? hehehe

last song playing before posting this: F-U (by Bamboo)
"F-U! and your friends..."

baker's dozen

2005-09-15T21:44:00.000+08:00

as far as i can remember this number is a jinx for me.... i always get uneasy whenever i have to face this number...
just an example: i once used jersey no. 13 in a basketball tourney... i got injured midway through the tournament and worst we lost in the championship game (maybe by 13 points, i don't remember)
then recently, i got a final social visit stamp in the immigration on the 13th page of my passport which was released last sept. 13...
we live in the 13th floor of a condo, our office is in door number W-10-13 and one of my client's office is at 13th floor....
i dont believe in these stuff but it is annoying and sometimes it gets under my skin...

what they say:
The early Romans thought 13 was a sign of death and destruction. And according to Norse mythology, if you sat 13 people down at a table, that was very unlucky. (Why? At a banquet of 12 people in Valhalla, an intruder –number 13 – caused the death of Balder’s son Odin). The number of people at the last supper of Christ and the twelve Apostles confirmed the superstition about the number 13 in witches were believed to meet in “covens” that hat 13 members.

Many hotels have no room 13, and many buildings have no 13th floor. Next time you fly, see if there is a row 13 in the plane. As date, 13 isn’t too lucky either, especially when it falls on Friday. That was always thought of as a really bad day to start a new project or to begin a ship voyage. Movers, doctors and dentists say their business drops on Friday the 13th. The good news is that a maximum of three Friday the 13th can occur in a year, and sometimes there is just one.

.... and yes, a baker's dozen is 13 pieces sometime called devil's dozen

droom

2005-09-15T01:03:00.000+08:00

dreams are not real... it is almost, but not quite...
i wonder if dreams are our desire or despair... destiny or delirium... death or destruction...
nah... dreams are just dream... at times dream can be achieved in real life often times it can't...
they remain as our ultimate freedom of expression, our deepest hope and wishes.. it is always nice coz if it's not we call it in another term...
nightmare is not the opposite of dream, it is just simply the absence of goodness in our dreams...
it's already 1:11 AM...

pot, i hope your dreams will not remain in that realm...

stolen

2005-09-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

stuff i stole from kai:
music of aimee mann, belly, frou frou, dishwalla, etc...
sandman
slippers and shoes (ok, i'll have to replace them)
will & grace and friends
quotes (as she insisted)
itunes, friendster, blogger and other online stuff
tied neckties
coke and black coffee (",)
glances
body scrub
apple products
sliced roti canai
international driver's license
soft batch cookies
shaved head
ringgit to dollars
work attitude
"maaf"
go swimming
cigarette case
starbucks americano
so tidy with wires
patience to wash dishes (includes cleaning the stove)
nivea lotion

just to name a few.... thanks for not minding... :p

some things are better left unsaid... other's are best to be said

2005-09-12T20:20:00.000+08:00

it's just me, at times i may blurt out some stupid words at wrong timings....
she wouldn't said a thing, i'll be too cautious not to say anything too....
sorry about this morning kai.... get well very soon....

insanity

2005-09-11T23:47:00.000+08:00

i've been keeping some sort of scribbled notes ala cruel intentions (but there's nothing cruel about this one). i named it "insanity" and i happen to come across it tonight and i have written on one of the pages this...

What you gonna do? What you gonna do when they come for you?
- face them like a man, accept the responsibility of actions and bear the consequences…
- “be not afraid” said andreij jawien. listen to him, follow what path he has taken…
- continue the struggle but achieve better result the next day

hmmmm.... maybe i'll blog everything one these days....

free will vs. destiny part 2?

2005-09-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

i thought there would a free will vs. destiny part 2...
then i came across this article that completed the equation of some sorts....
excerpts from the article...

"Free will is an important concept, yet it is a bit of an illusion. Everything that actually happens is, in some way, in accord with the grand plan of the Divine Will. Thus, every action that a person can actually carry out must necessarily fit within the scope of the Divine Plan. Any actions which are not in accord with the Divine Plan will not be carried out, and no matter how much one plans or schemes, such plans will be thwarted."

i especially like the last line of the article... read on... tell me what you think... (",)
http://wahiduddin.net/views/divine_play.htm

hmmmm... you really sure there is no word between free will and destiny? how about divine will?

2005-09-09T23:12:00.000+08:00

YESHU'

i'd really wanted to get this tattoed on my upper left arm....

2005-09-08T12:55:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Mama Mary! Sweet Mother of Jesus

free will vs. destiny

2005-09-08T12:10:00.000+08:00

this never ceases to amaze me
come to think of it, i started to contemplate on this only lately

free will - i think it is one of God's greatest gift to us people - the g.o.a.t (greatest of all time) of course was dying on that cross
no matter what you did no one is to blame but yourself.....

does "free will" then can be compared to the water that was used to wash pilate's hands?

destiny - it is already written before it was even spoken (thanks for the sandman kai)
forces of nature that cannot be stopped even if you avoid it
no matter what you do, you will end up with what you are destined to be...

did judas iscariot then has free will or was destined to be doomed?

hmmmm.... did i wrote this lines freely or was destined to be?
is there a word between free will and destiny? (delirium could've asked this)

redemption song

2005-09-07T16:57:00.000+08:00

emancipate yourself from mental slavery..... - bob marley

the worst crime is faking it..... - kurt cobain

you may say im a dreamer, but im not the only one i hope someday you'll join us and world will live as one..... - john lennon

it's the music that inspires me, and the trinity above have long all gone.... cancer, suicide and assasination

"where there is music, there can be no evil" - chinese proverbs

"when you sing, you pray twice" - sabi nila sa YFC

sing with me...